


Stay Alive

by Laysa_Lespoir



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Main character death-supposedly ;), Mention of blood, Mention of wounded people, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laysa_Lespoir/pseuds/Laysa_Lespoir
Summary: The most beautiful and loving smile appeared on your face for him as you said, “Forever till the end.” You heard him take a deep breath, feeling more at ease. He saw you stroll out of his office, your hair dancing with the breeze as you gave little jumps on your way. He could even smell your shampoo thanks to the wind; flowers. A sweet scent that screamed all you to him. That’s when that dreadful feeling began. | Min Yoongi x Reader (Fem) | Angst; Attack on Titan!AU; some Fluff(?)
Relationships: Min Yoongi | Suga/Reader
Kudos: 10





	Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: lots and lots of angst; some cursing; main character death (supposedly ;D); mention of wounded people and blood.
> 
> N/A: Hi, everyone! Hope you're doing well and staying healthy and taking care of yourselves<3  
> This came at me like hard splash of water to my face after I finished the 1st season of Attack On Titan's anime, so I hope you guys like it~^-^  
> Also, if you want a second part, let me know!<3

**&.**

It was raining. That was a bad start for an expedition, a bad omen. Everyone could feel it. Even Yoongi, and he wasn’t the type to believe in that shit. He stuck to facts, logical thinking. Not feelings. Yet when he turned his head to watch you ride your horse as the Squad Leader on the left side of the formation, the rain soaking you like everyone else, he couldn’t avoid to  _ feel _ .

What was he feeling? A dread that something was off. Something was not right. He had that same anxiety he got when, for a second, he felt no escape away from a titan, before he would shake that feeling away and find the answer. He wasn’t one of the amazing Elite Captains for anything. His skills almost matched those of Captain Levi. Both quick to find escape, both deadly on their attacks. The amount of strength on both captains were both terrifying and enviable by everyone.

Yoongi was made to act before thinking. Punch before asking. Aim before being targeted.

_ Kill to survive _ .

And that’s how he had trained you. You had been in the first squad he had led, and the only one to survive after a failed mission. So he and you had been there for each other since then. The moves and maneuvers you two had were incomparable. Erwin and Levi once mentioned how extraordinary the team work between you two were. Yoongi and you understood each other's movements with just a glance, a look in the eyes. You were as deadly as he was.

That meant, it was your moment to rise up. You had belonged to the Elite for a while, as one of the five most skilled soldiers, which included Erwin, Levi, Yoongi and Mikasa. But now, you were giving the privilege and hard task to lead a squad for the first time.

You were confident, as you had trained each one of them. But you didn’t have in mind that sometimes, the worst enemy you all had wasn’t the titans… 

It was  _ fear _ . Fear made people react in ways that they would never have thought or expected. And that rainy day, in that first expedition that had you leading a squad, wasn’t different from what could have happened on any other day.

_ Fear _ was the worst enemy. Fear was a  _ bitch _ .

Yoongi looked at your focused and serious expression at the distance, and he felt proud. He knew he had trained you well. You were more than capable of leading a squad;  _ hell _ , you could even lead the whole expedition if anyone of the higher ranks like Erwin would let you. And you  _ would  _ succeed. He knew that. That’s how good Yoongi thought you had become, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was your boyfriend.

He perfectly knew what you were capable of.

Then… Why this quirky feeling wouldn’t leave him alone?

As he watched your squad ride to the left-front side; you were so focused you never turned to look one last time and wink at him like you always did. Yoongi remembered your last words before the expedition began: 

_ “I’ll see you at the end.” _

_ “Stay alive, brat,” he had told you, caressing one more time your cheeks with his calloused, but surprisingly warm hands. _

_ The siren that announced that all soldiers and captains had to gather together was heard. _

_ “You too, asshole.” You smiled, patting his chest in a loving gesture before walking to the door of his office. You had to go and find your squad and guide the formation; but you couldn’t go before saying the words… _

_ When you reached the door and opened it, you turned to your boyfriend and saw him looking longingly at you. You knew what he needed. _

_ The most beautiful and loving smile appeared on your face for him as you said, “Forever till the end.”  _

_ You heard him take a deep breath, feeling more at ease. He saw you stroll out of his office, your hair dancing with the breeze as you gave little jumps on your way. He could even smell your shampoo thanks to the wind; flowers. A sweet scent that screamed all you to him. _

_ That’s when that dreadful feeling began. _

“ _ Forever till the end… _ ” He had answered back, not sure if you had listened to him, but you knew how he felt for you. And that’s one of the things Yoongi had always loved about you; he didn’t have to say anything. 

From the beginning, you had always known what he felt.

But this time, he wished you had stayed to hear him saying those words that meant the world to you. He wished you had turned and looked at him one more time…

Before everything went to hell.

The loud and heavy steps that only titans' feet created were heard. From  _ everywhere _ . The front, the flanks, even some appeared from the back! Those fucking bastards were  _ every-fucking-where ! _

_ Damn it! Y/N… Fuck fuck fuck fuck! _ That’s all he could think as he rode his horse trying to dodge the huge monsters. All he wanted to do was to try and get closer to where your squad was; his own was taking very good care of the side they were assigned. Yoongi was proud of them, but all he wanted in that moment was to make sure you were okay. Just that. Then, he would begin to fight as he could.

“Yoongi, protect the right side!” Erwin barked orders to him, and he cursed one last time,  _ loudly _ . He couldn’t contradict his Commander. He took one last deep breath and followed his orders. 

He didn’t believe in any deity, but had no other choice than to  _ pray  _ to whatever existed up there that you were fine and well. For you, he would believe in anything if that was for your wellbeing.

.

It wasn’t long after that the blue smoke was fired up to the sky, meaning it was time to retreat. More titans were coming out of nowhere, like they had been waiting for them to appear. If titans weren’t that stupid, Yoongi could have thought that this had been an ambush.

“Everyone! Retreat to headquarters! Back to the wall!” The Commander, captains and squad leaders were yelling as all the soldiers started to run, help other ones that were on foot, and ride their horses to the direction ordered.

Yoongi counted the soldiers, staying behind to protect them as he too rode in the same direction. He couldn’t see her, he didn’t know where she was.

He did see Levi kill the titan that was right behind him, so he positioned himself close so the man could jump right behind him on his horse.

The short and always bored looking man took note of the uneasy posture of his friend. Levi wasn’t the considerate and amicable, outgoing friend --yet Yoongi wasn’t either, that’s why they were close friends--, but he knew when to be there for Yoongi when he needed it.

“I’m sure she’s at the front! I saw one of her squad up on the front lines that retreated!” Levi screamed over the incessant loud sound of the gallop mixed with the heavy rain and the titans behind them.

Yoongi nodded. He prayed his friend's words were right...

.

The wall’s door closed right when Yoongi and Levi crossed, and seconds after the collision of titans against the stones were heard loud and clear.

Everyone was breathing heavily. A lot of soldiers were injured, and a lot were missing. There wasn’t even time to gather the death and bring them home so families could mourn, so that everyone could give them the respect they deserved for giving their lives for Humanity.

It had been a fucking failed mission.

Yoongi and Levi got off the horse, Yoongi instantly walked through everyone trying to find you while Levi gave the horse to someone else to take care of and he followed his friend, only one thought in his mind, “ _ Please, let her be okay… _ ”

Levi knew of Yoongi’s past life, and he wasn’t so sure his friend could handle another loss in it.

Yoongi have never felt his heart beat that fast against his chest in a very long time, especially for someone. He felt those beats deafening him. All he could think of, all he cared was you. He didn't even seem to mind that long vertical wound in his face, across his right eyes, that was still bleeding. It was a miracle that he hadn't lost the sight in that eye, yet he couldn't care less.

All he was focused on was finding you. And he was failing… He couldn’t find any one of your squad, and he felt like he was going insane.

“Yoongi…” Levi called him, grabbing him by his arm to make him stop strolling.

“You told me you saw her squad!” The short man raised his hands in a signal of surrender after Yoongi turned to him with that expression on his face, that same one he used when he was ready to kill a titan. “You fucking said-…”

“I know what I said,” Levi yelled back, rolling his eyes in an exasperated mood. Yoongi was ready to beat the shit out of him, friend or not, he only saw red. But then, Levi pointed behind him. “That’s the guy I saw.”

Yoongi turned and saw a guy, he didn’t remember his name but he knew it was a new soldier, one that was trained by you. The kid had half of one arm, the whereabouts of the half missing was inside a titans stomach without doubt, and nurses were trying to stop the bleeding. He also had several other injuries on his legs, and Yoongi felt sorry for him. Sorry for coming back this way after his first mission, and sorry for how he himself was about to lose it with him, because you were nowhere near to be seen.

Levi didn’t even try to stop Yoongi when the man grabbed the kid by the collar of his uniform and pulled him up to eye level.

“Where’s Y/N?!” The kid whined and cried pathetically. “Where the fuck is she?!” No one had ever heard that tone in Yoongi’s voice. So deep and authoritative, but broken at the same time.

It was the voice of a man who was desperately trying to find answers of where the love of his life was. It was the voice of a man who was about to get his heart broken in thousands of millions pieces right there in front of everyone, right after the kids words were, “ _ I don’t know _ ”.

Yoongi closed his eyes and gulped, trying to hold onto the little of  _ humanity _ he had inside him. When he opened his eyes, and saw the anxious ones of the kid, Yoongi knew he was hiding something.

“How can you fucking don’t know, you stupid scum?! You were right there in her squad!” He kept shoving the kid back and forth, desperately trying to get the truth out of him. “Where is she?!”

Everyone was paying attention to the scene. Yoongi kept screaming and manhandling the poor kid like it was nothing as the soldier cried and begged and cried some more that he didn’t know anything. 

Levi could see how everyone was looking at him, expecting him to stop Yoongi from hurting and embarrassing the traumatized kid any longer; but he also had seen the suspicious and uneasy look on the kid’s eyes, which meant that that soldier was traumatized enough to not tell the truth.

And sadly, something told Levi this truth was even more horrorazing than Yoongi could ever expect. But he needed to hear it. Whatever had happened to you, Yoongi needed to know.

It didn’t take long to make the kid speak, and after so many yells from Yoongi it was evident that he would end up breaking.

“Where the fuck is Y/N?!” Yoongi yelled for the last time.

“ _ SHE’S DEAD! _ ”

The soldier’s yell was followed by a piercing silence that mixed with the now drizzling rain froze everyone’s bones. The only thing that was heard was the sobs that the kid couldn’t even try to hide.

“S-she saved me f-f-from a titan…” Levi saw how Yoongi’s body started to tremble, and he sighed. They all knew it. But knowing to actually confirm it was a huge sorrow, for everyone. But especially for Yoongi. Levi had to stop this torture for his friend. “E-everything was too f-fast… We were at the front, t-they attacked us first, w-we didn’t have enough t-time to react… L-last t-time I saw h-her, she was i-inside-...”

“It’s enough.” Levi put his hand over one of Yoongi’s trembling ones that still grabbed the kid by his collar. “Yoongi, let him go...”

Yoongi felt…  _ dead _ . Nothing made sense anymore. Everything around him looked blurred. Was he crying? He didn’t feel the tears, nor the wound on his face that was still bleeding. He was hearing everything, including Levi’s words, far away, or like someone or something was covering his ears. Was he becoming deaf? He didn’t know.

All he knew was that he felt…  _ dead _ .

Nothing truly mattered anymore. Life didn’t make sense if  _ you  _ weren’t in it, with him.

He instinctively touched the little bag he had hidden in one of the pockets of his jacket, coincidentally the one that was right at the same place where his heart was. There, in that little clothed bag, was a ring.

Yoongi was going to propose to you that day, that moment in his office before the expedition began. But because he saw you so excited and focused on the mission, he didn’t want to distract your mind.

_ “Stay alive…” _ He had never meant it that strong in all the previous expeditions you two attended, together or not.

Now, he would have to live with the regret of not having done it before, of not having made you his wife long time ago.

Now, he would truly understand how pain felt.

_ Pain and anger _ .

Levi wasn’t expecting that reaction in his friend once he managed to make him let go of the traumatized soldier. He expected tears, screams, even punches towards him for not helping in taking care of you, for being one of the captains that suggested you becoming a Squad Leader. He expected the blame Yoongi could throw at him. 

Yet, when he saw Yoongi’s deadly look in the direction of the walls, Levi knew chaos was about to happen.

.

“I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Levi.” Yoongi spat without turning to see him after he landed behind him.

The man snorted. “You almost took down four man in your way to get out the walls. You know the rules…”

Yoongi didn’t answer. He remembered what happened three days ago, when he lost complete sense of self control and care and just felt the thirst of revenge for the love of his life that those monsters had taken away from him. He didn’t even blame the kid; Y/N did what probably he would have done too.

He had wanted to die that day, and he wanted to die falling in battle, bringing as much of those titans with him too as he could. But he really wanted to fall at the end… Because there wasn’t reason enough to keep fighting. He lost the only thing, the only person that brought a little light to his life in this hell of a world they all lived in.

Yoongi lost the only reason he woke up everyday. He lost the reason to keep fighting…

Yoongi growled at Levi’s words, earning a smack to the back of his head from the short man. “Have you lost the little bit of humanity you have left already, Idiot? Should I put a collar around your neck and treat you like a dog now that you growl?”

Yoongi rubbed his head where he had been smacked, mumbling curses in Levi’s direction.

“How’s your eye?”

“I can still see.” He answered, his eyes never leaving the orange horizon that was visible right there, up on the walls.

How many times during those three days had he already wished that this was all a freaking nightmare and he would wake up to the most beautiful woman laying right next to him, peacefully sleeping? How many times had he wished to see her coming back to him walking right through that horizon? He had lost count.

There were a few minutes of silence between the men before Yoongi sighed and asked, “Do… Do you think she-...” He couldn’t finish the question. But Levi knew; even though he always had that stoic and careless expression on his face, he understood him more than anyone.

Levi sighed deeply. 

“It’s been three days, Yoongi.” The said man looked down to his feet. “You have been here, right above the door, watching the other side every single one of these past three days. Don’t you think if there’s a chance she was still alive, wouldn’t you have already seen her coming from here?” 

Yoongi closed his hands in fists. It didn’t matter how much he tried to fight the reality...  _ It would always come to stay _ .

He turned around, giving the horizon his back, taking long deep breaths. It was time.

“I have to let her go…”

Levi nodded. “ _ Fight _ for her.  _ Win _ for her. Let her sacrifice not be in vain; for I will always honor her memory in each swing of my sword against those monsters.”

Yoongi opened his eyes to find Levi in the Legion’s salute, showing his respect alongside his words to the horizon, and he felt like crying. He was so thankful that Levi understood him. He knew that Yoongi needed time, that’s why he had left him alone over those three days that Yoongi obsessed himself with staying at the gates, watching the other side of the wall; even though he still watched him in the distance, as he was ordered. 

Levi had left him to mourn you for three days… Now, it was time to keep going.

Yoongi copied his friend's posture, accepting his salute in your name.

He took two steps on the city’s direction, ready to go back to his room and finally take the rest he needed, when a loud gasp came from his friend. He turned to him, confused.

“ _ Fucking shit… _ ” Levi cursed, not believing what his eyes were seeing. Yoongi followed his friend's sight, and both men saw, coming right from the horizon, a small silhouette running in their direction, with a big one behind. “Is that-…?”

“ _ Y/N _ …”

**&.**


End file.
